how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
