just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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