I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
