Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
