Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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