what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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