When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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