Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
