I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
