All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
