He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
