wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
