im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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