Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
