So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
