You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My feet surprised me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
