He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
