My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
