I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They took my balls.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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