I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
