Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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