she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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