please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
