i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
