If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
