He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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