Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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