my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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