Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
