guys are not supposed to queef...right?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
