he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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