I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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