First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
