I wanna passion pit in your ass
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
