your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
