I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so let's talk penis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
