Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
