I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
