it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
