I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
