i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
