If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
