i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
