it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
