no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
