I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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