opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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