I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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