"it" just moved
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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