My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
