Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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