dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
