So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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