Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
