He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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