I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
